9
"This Can't Be Life..."
Soooo this summer I was attempting a mini experiment where I tried to create or increase the usage of a number phrases (like the opposite of OpusDei24's crusade to kill "dope" and bury "swag").
(Quick disclaimer: If any of these phrases are already in heavy rotation in your circle of friends, keep in mind the experiment was designed for people I chill with. So dont come at me w/ any nonsense and take a step back. Instead view yourself as innovative, ahead of your time, and/or my secret muse...ok that's all). The phrases are as follows:
unfortunate enough to experience an event that allowed me to utter all three phrases at once...
Yesterday morning, I was a good Christian boy and schlepped my way to church despite being out late the night before. Following the service, I went to my friends crib with my brother and decided to head home early so that I can work on cover letters and finish errands before the Lakeshow extravaganza. On my way home, i was making a phone call that required me to use my headset which doubles as my ultra chic Apple headphones. Usually I don't walk the streets with these things because people are lame and use it as a bullesye for trouble. But on this 6 block walk home I felt a weird sense of safety, since I walked about an extra 20 ft to get to the safer, more populated road, and cuz after turning the corner I saw my great-aunt and best friend's grandma fraternizing by the church (why is it old people make us feel safe? and since im talkin abt ladies, shouldnt the term be "sororizing"?). Anyway, the sun was shining and it was 3PM so I figured hey this Sunday stroll can use some tunes. Apparently bad idea since some guy on a bike rode alongside me and then stopped ahead of me as if he was going into a house. I didn't buy it, so I went out of my way towards the curb and even walked around a tree to avoid bumping dude. He still tapped me on the arm then this dialogue occurred...
Random Thug (RT): Hey
K: Yeah?
RT: Give me your phone
K: Na
RT: -pulls out gun-
K: "FUCK!"
-awkard pause- (probably not that long, but when a gun is aimed at you, time gets a bit stretched...)
K: aight man, here
RT: oh and give me your wallet
K: (shit) -gives it over-
-both depart from crime scene-
So yeah that was my weekend and in my opinion thats the rare trifecta of the aforementioned three phrases. This going down 3 blocks from my crib definitely shows that "its real in these streets", when I got home and mulled over a Sunday afternoon holdup, I definitely dropped a "wow...that just happened", and when its all said and done and I consider everything I lost despite my usual cautious methods (including my 21+ ID -_-) it really was a "this can't be life moment". However, since it was such a random event that occurred in the middle of afternoon in an area I'm very familiar with, I really have few regrets down the line. I'm grateful that I am alive and nearly everything is replaceable in life. Some people have told me that I should have been more resistant, but if someone can pull out in broad daylight than maybe they are not that stable to begin with. I have a sharp tongue, but I got limits. In addition, I was shocked at all the humor I still managed to find in everything following the event. An example is this dialogue with the police:
P: How tall was he?
K: I dont know he was on a bike...
P: Okay so 5'9-6'1...How old was he?
K: I don't know, late teens early 20s
P: Okay 16-24
K: o_0 -thinking- "i just profiled every guy I chill with, smh"
Also I found it weird that when I replayed the event in my head, I thought of how I would conduct the robbery better, which includes improvements like demanding the victim doesn't turn around and giving a forceful demand for the wallet instead of making it sound like an afterthought. Yeah, so either I'm sick in the head, or maybe I am just TOO much of a perfectionist...oh well Go Brooklyn!
(Quick disclaimer: If any of these phrases are already in heavy rotation in your circle of friends, keep in mind the experiment was designed for people I chill with. So dont come at me w/ any nonsense and take a step back. Instead view yourself as innovative, ahead of your time, and/or my secret muse...ok that's all). The phrases are as follows:
- "it's real in these streets"--an exclamation following a ridiculous conversation or event where someone does something inexplicably gangsta that is mostly unnecessary. Bonus points for this event occurring in an otherwise peaceful/gentrified setting...examples include drunk girls drinking another man's beer and stealing his money, leading into an altercation involving the girls' male friends...or simply the presence of a gun in an "intimate"/private situation.
- "that just happened!"--an exclamation following a ridiculous event where someone isn't being gangsta, they're just retarded. First example that comes to mind is Eric pulling into an arby's, making two orders, finding out 2 of us in the car would rather have popeyes, deciding he wants popeyes also, and then "escaping" the drive thru without food, despite a cop being parked down the block and us pulling away furiously into a red light 10 ft ahead, smh.
- "this can't be life..."--my favorite one because it can be applied to nearly all of life's pitfalls and cuz it was coined by Jay-Z on the first Kanye produced beat for Jigga man. Thus this phrase deserves the (c) Roc-a-fella records stamp and holds significance due to its origins from the dynamic duo. I use it for every event that slightly lowers the value and my perception of life. But its really non-serious and more akin to the overused "FML" in that sometimes bad things happen despite your best wishes...an example would be the time i broke off my "R" key and dented a section of my keyboard when a 6 lb calculus textbook fell off my bookshelf and onto my new laptop. The irony is, this occurred while I was installing special "non slip" bookends to prevent such an event -_-
Yesterday morning, I was a good Christian boy and schlepped my way to church despite being out late the night before. Following the service, I went to my friends crib with my brother and decided to head home early so that I can work on cover letters and finish errands before the Lakeshow extravaganza. On my way home, i was making a phone call that required me to use my headset which doubles as my ultra chic Apple headphones. Usually I don't walk the streets with these things because people are lame and use it as a bullesye for trouble. But on this 6 block walk home I felt a weird sense of safety, since I walked about an extra 20 ft to get to the safer, more populated road, and cuz after turning the corner I saw my great-aunt and best friend's grandma fraternizing by the church (why is it old people make us feel safe? and since im talkin abt ladies, shouldnt the term be "sororizing"?). Anyway, the sun was shining and it was 3PM so I figured hey this Sunday stroll can use some tunes. Apparently bad idea since some guy on a bike rode alongside me and then stopped ahead of me as if he was going into a house. I didn't buy it, so I went out of my way towards the curb and even walked around a tree to avoid bumping dude. He still tapped me on the arm then this dialogue occurred...
Random Thug (RT): Hey
K: Yeah?
RT: Give me your phone
K: Na
RT: -pulls out gun-
K: "FUCK!"
-awkard pause- (probably not that long, but when a gun is aimed at you, time gets a bit stretched...)
K: aight man, here
RT: oh and give me your wallet
K: (shit) -gives it over-
-both depart from crime scene-
So yeah that was my weekend and in my opinion thats the rare trifecta of the aforementioned three phrases. This going down 3 blocks from my crib definitely shows that "its real in these streets", when I got home and mulled over a Sunday afternoon holdup, I definitely dropped a "wow...that just happened", and when its all said and done and I consider everything I lost despite my usual cautious methods (including my 21+ ID -_-) it really was a "this can't be life moment". However, since it was such a random event that occurred in the middle of afternoon in an area I'm very familiar with, I really have few regrets down the line. I'm grateful that I am alive and nearly everything is replaceable in life. Some people have told me that I should have been more resistant, but if someone can pull out in broad daylight than maybe they are not that stable to begin with. I have a sharp tongue, but I got limits. In addition, I was shocked at all the humor I still managed to find in everything following the event. An example is this dialogue with the police:
P: How tall was he?
K: I dont know he was on a bike...
P: Okay so 5'9-6'1...How old was he?
K: I don't know, late teens early 20s
P: Okay 16-24
K: o_0 -thinking- "i just profiled every guy I chill with, smh"
Also I found it weird that when I replayed the event in my head, I thought of how I would conduct the robbery better, which includes improvements like demanding the victim doesn't turn around and giving a forceful demand for the wallet instead of making it sound like an afterthought. Yeah, so either I'm sick in the head, or maybe I am just TOO much of a perfectionist...oh well Go Brooklyn!
