I know we facin a recession/
But the music yall makin gonna make it the Great Depression

-Jay-Z

It's not just the music Jay...In recent weeks, the general public has had to deal with an onslaught of tragedies. Some of these have been smaller in scale (the premiere of Tiny & Toya, the Knicks missing out on Stephen Curry, the folding of VIBE, our last Hip Hop magazine, etc.). While others have been truly epic, planes have been crashing, unemployment has increased for the 9th straight month and is the highest in 26 years and we've seen a large number of celebrities and icons pass away in a short period of time.

Starting with Ed McMahon, we've since experienced the loss of Farrah Fawcett, the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, and then Billy Mays. To me, what's shocking about all that's passed is the large number of tragedies I discovered through Twitter and it's trending topics. After Billy Mays passed away, I was pretty much prepared to believe any story of any other celebrity passing away. Apparently, the general populace that is Twitter was ready in the same way and this week we learned about the "death" of Jeff Goldblum (dude from Jurassic Park, Independence Day). Of course he didn't die and the rumor spark was fueled by the gasoline that is Twitter. It got so bad that even CNN reported on his death. (Hilarious video below)

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Jeff Goldblum Will Be Missed
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Jeff Goldblum

In my opinion, this shows that we are in some down times where we are really ready to accept any crazy story of any type of tragedy (not to mention, everyone (even the media) stopped checking reliable sources). If you read a tweet saying "OMG Diddy was shot on the G train" after seeing a trending topic, you're telling me you wouldn't be prepared to believe it for half a second even tho Diddy wouldn't take use mass transit even if someone paid him (especially not the G)...Even if this is a bad example, I'm just saying that I miss the happier days when everyone wasn't lookin to be the first person reporting a tragedy. I miss the days of everyone laughing at senseless shit. Even in recent days, we've had a lot of great/joyous moments like the Lakers winning a title, Iran having a re-election, the Democrats getting filibuster power in the Senate, Kwame getting drafted by the T-Wolves, and the Kanye directorial debut/upcoming Bishop Ford scandal/ TITTYFEST that is the Best I Ever Had video.

Even here on ViewRoof the most recent post is about me getting mugged. I take 1/8 responsibility for this (other 7/8 still goes to the asshole thief), but I miss the days of random posts about the 12th letter, Daddy Yankee stagefights, and girls getting impaled by power tools in their privates...We as a people need to step up to the plate to make the interweb funny again and it should start ASAP.

Soooo this summer I was attempting a mini experiment where I tried to create or increase the usage of a number phrases (like the opposite of OpusDei24's crusade to kill "dope" and bury "swag").
(Quick disclaimer: If any of these phrases are already in heavy rotation in your circle of friends, keep in mind the experiment was designed for people I chill with. So dont come at me w/ any nonsense and take a step back. Instead view yourself as innovative, ahead of your time, and/or my secret muse...ok that's all). The phrases are as follows:

1. "it's real in these streets"--an exclamation following a ridiculous conversation or event where someone does something inexplicably gangsta that is mostly unnecessary. Bonus points for this event occurring in an otherwise peaceful/gentrified setting...examples include drunk girls drinking another man's beer and stealing his money, leading into an altercation involving the girls' male friends...or simply the presence of a gun in an "intimate"/private situation.
2. "that just happened!"--an exclamation following a ridiculous event where someone isn't being gangsta, they're just retarded. First example that comes to mind is Eric pulling into an arby's, making two orders, finding out 2 of us in the car would rather have popeyes, deciding he wants popeyes also, and then "escaping" the drive thru without food, despite a cop being parked down the block and us pulling away furiously into a red light 10 ft ahead, smh.
3. "this can't be life..."--my favorite one because it can be applied to nearly all of life's pitfalls and cuz it was coined by Jay-Z on the first Kanye produced beat for Jigga man. Thus this phrase deserves the (c) Roc-a-fella records stamp and holds significance due to its origins from the dynamic duo. I use it for every event that slightly lowers the value and my perception of life. But its really non-serious and more akin to the overused "FML" in that sometimes bad things happen despite your best wishes...an example would be the time i broke off my "R" key and dented a section of my keyboard when a 6 lb calculus textbook fell off my bookshelf and onto my new laptop. The irony is, this occurred while I was installing special "non slip" bookends to prevent such an event -_-
   

The reason I began with this description is because yesterday I was unfortunate enough to experience an event that allowed me to utter all three phrases at once...

Yesterday morning, I was a good Christian boy and schlepped my way to church despite being out late the night before. Following the service, I went to my friends crib with my brother and decided to head home early so that I can work on cover letters and finish errands before the Lakeshow extravaganza. On my way home, i was making a phone call that required me to use my headset which doubles as my ultra chic Apple headphones. Usually I don't walk the streets with these things because people are lame and use it as a bullesye for trouble. But on this 6 block walk home I felt a weird sense of safety, since I walked about an extra 20 ft to get to the safer, more populated road, and cuz after turning the corner I saw my great-aunt and best friend's grandma fraternizing by the church (why is it old people make us feel safe? and since im talkin abt ladies, shouldnt the term be "sororizing"?). Anyway, the sun was shining and it was 3PM so I figured hey this Sunday stroll can use some tunes. Apparently bad idea since some guy on a bike rode alongside me and then stopped ahead of me as if he was going into a house. I didn't buy it, so I went out of my way towards the curb and even walked around a tree to avoid bumping dude. He still tapped me on the arm then this dialogue occurred...
Random Thug (RT): Hey
K: Yeah?
RT: Give me your phone
K: Na
RT: -pulls out gun-
K: "FUCK!"
-awkard pause- (probably not that long, but when a gun is aimed at you, time gets a bit stretched...)
K: aight man, here
RT: oh and give me your wallet
K: (shit) -gives it over-
-both depart from crime scene-


So yeah that was my weekend and in my opinion thats the rare trifecta of the aforementioned three phrases. This going down 3 blocks from my crib definitely shows that "its real in these streets", when I got home and mulled over a Sunday afternoon holdup, I definitely dropped a "wow...that just happened", and when its all said and done and I consider everything I lost despite my usual cautious methods (including my 21+ ID -_-) it really was a "this can't be life moment". However, since it was such a random event that occurred in the middle of afternoon in an area I'm very familiar with, I really have few regrets down the line. I'm grateful that I am alive and nearly everything is replaceable in life. Some people have told me that I should have been more resistant, but if someone can pull out in broad daylight than maybe they are not that stable to begin with. I have a sharp tongue, but I got limits. In addition, I was shocked at all the humor I still managed to find in everything following the event. An example is this dialogue with the police:

P: How tall was he?
K: I dont know he was on a bike...
P: Okay so 5'9-6'1...How old was he?
K: I don't know, late teens early 20s
P: Okay 16-24
K: o_0 -thinking- "i just profiled every guy I chill with, smh"

Also I found it weird that when I replayed the event in my head, I thought of how I would conduct the robbery better, which includes improvements like demanding the victim doesn't turn around and giving a forceful demand for the wallet instead of making it sound like an afterthought. Yeah, so either I'm sick in the head, or maybe I am just TOO much of a perfectionist...oh well Go Brooklyn!

First off shout out to Kwame aka OpusDei24. It's about time I put this post into fruition.


Over the last few weeks....I've attained a few L's. Seeing as how I'm a pretty damn honest guy...I'm gonna tell y'all how these L's unfolded.

L NUMBER ONE!

I had a nice fish dinner.YUM!!!!!I wake up the next day...My lip feels a lil weird. NO BIGGIE! -puts ice on lip-


-wakes up-












SPLACKOW!!!!!!!! There is a pancake where the right side of my upper lip used to be.

So...I take my...Hitch lip to the doctor. First the doctor insults my intelligence because I misunderstood what he said "COME BACK FOR A HEARING TEST TOO". This bastard looked like Christopher Lloyd in "Back to the Future" with brown hair. I wanted to Ric Flair slap chop him in his throat for that slick shit he said. He gives me antibiotics....and cortisone pills. Really all I needed was the cortisone. The antibiotics...useless. There was no infection. It was an allergic reaction....bastard.

L Number TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!

I end up at a COCKFEST of a barbecue thanks to a Cuffer friend of mine....Sgt ___ you re a great guy. Now....I'm still knocking down antibiotics like i got that CLAP or something...so I cant drink. So I'm cold shower sober.....at a wack BBQ (food was serious business though). Being drunk wouldn't have made all them big joints sexy but...EH!

L NUMBER THREE!

A big ass spider is running across my wall. nearly pissed myself.

L NUMBER FOUR!

That same week I go downstairs and almost walk face first into a spider bungee jumping in the basement. I think son tried to swing into my face like THIS IS FOR JO JO WE ROLL DEEP 30 BLOCK WEB GANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!......shook to go wash my clothes for a good couple of days.


So anytime you go...man LIFE SUCKS!....At least you didn't have a Rob Week.


-drinks bleach on the rocks-

I remember that when i was a soph in HS we had this student parking lot, and I was soooo convinced that i would get my license and be swinging up in the lot wit a Bacon Egg and Cheese in one Hand. As soon as I could i went to take that lil test, my moms even let me drive home from the DMV when i got my permit . But the day when i got a chance for a car it never came my sis was gonna give me hers but 3 months before the great takeova some jackass didnt stop at the light and rear ended and totaled MY car. so with all this hurt I gotta have a special car when i finally do get it and it has to describe all of my sentiments to a "T" and this...this is something i like a lot

OK! So a couple of things, ShoutOuts to JusFocuz for actually staying “focused” and keeping us alive via Posts. Ive been MIA due to my late night word tussles with young ladies, (which is another story within itself to be mentioned somewhere down the road in a Post Rant), the start of my internship which is exhausting and time consuming although yes its exciting, cool and “Dope”(im very anti-dope right now becuz it used to in fact be a Dope word until everyone whored it out and made it similar to “swag” in my opion we just auto-tuned that one didn’t we? No shots Ron Browz I mean no harm but I digress) Honestly my homegurl put me onto this video and it forever changed my life…Prolly the best two minutes ive spent in 09’.

Things to make mention of:

1) How many times you hear “Baby”

2) Next time you think your relationship is strong question if yall can handle this

3) SMH Only in America I swear… what pertinence does it have to this …none but it fit

4) If you have like a super sensitive , or weak stomach just don’t watch its like Real Bad Micheal Jackson © GayFish

I'll get straight to the point... tell me what you think is excruciatingly wrong in this pic?

Well I think if you know/feel you aren't attractive and think a thong will get you by .. make sure you at least have an okay butt. (not flat and droopy) Oh and I spot an ugly ass tattoo but I may just be picky.

Update: Shorty's thong looks like its slipping off.

So I work at Staples part time; just there weekends for some easy cash since its right down the block from me. Staples is the source of some hilarious experiences. I encounter some of the weirdest, dumbest, smelliest, funniest people around, at staples.

Today was an interesting day to work, but let me get into some background info first. Staples has a parking lot it shares with a couple other businesses, but it does not belong to staples. The lot is private property managed by some random company. If you park in the lot and don't go to one of the stores on site, your shit gets towed in no time, they really don't play around.

So you can imagine how many people try parking there, walk off to some other place, get towed, and come into staples to buy a $1 pen and act like they've been there the whole time. FTL, cuz they have "undercover" ppl chilln there watching the people that park their cars, but today's lady was crazy.

This white chick, probably just into her 40s, asks me if she can speak to a manager. I say sure, I'll call him for you but is there anything I can do to help? She tells me she is tryna get her car back cuz it got towed and shes "such a loyal customer" ... she "spends hundreds of dollars everytime she shops" ... oh and she "owns staples stocks" (as if that means shyt). Well i asked her if she left the premises, and she tells me no, i simply parked, went to the pet shop on the property, -whispers- went to have lunch, and came to staples. LMAO @ her tryna slip that lunch thing in there as if getting it by me would magically bring her car back or lower the fees she has to pay. I told her the second she left the property, her care is fair game for a tow. i told her she will have to wait for the manager whom is currently interviewing someone. her husband gets loud and says "listen, we r tryna get our car back" ... me: "i understand but u did leave the lot and i wont disturb the manager while hes busy for that".. they werent having it so I pointed them towards my coworker and said he was the manager, lmao, so they could bring the hell to him. haha

So she tells him the same story she told me and asks if there is a way staples can pay part of her cost. my coworker was tryna explain we have nuttn to do with it and that if they leave the lot, they will get towed. The wife went on a rampage and started saying that she is a civil rights lawyer and knows what this is all about. says that this is unfair and that she will come here every day for a month to take pics of every person whos car gets towed, and count how many of them are white... she says that the only reason her car got towed this time was cuz her husband was with her and bcuz hes black!!! lmaoooooo WOOWWW at her saying that shyt. i wanted to crack up cuz id be mad offended if i was the husband, and he sure was. he looks at her and literally said, "wtf. maggie? i hate when some ppl play that card... and ur not even the black one!"

She was totally crazy for saying that. not only did she make herself look even dumber, but her husband totally played her on that one.. haha.. FTL!

I command Ye all who read this Blog that You watch Will Ferrell Tonight On Discovery for Man vs Wild. Its gonna be Bandoodles. Yall Lucky I didnt get a warning ahead of time that he was on Conan's Late Night Show which sucks by the way. I guess this just means more Jimmy Kimmel. Yes Opus supports Jimmy K... Look for my couch appearance this Fall 09'

***Update as I was sitting on this futon USA ch , kindly made it known that Will Farrell is their Man of the Month... am i right or am i right??

I had forgotten about this chick for a while. I thought she was hot back in the days, in 7th heaven.. I knew she'd turn out to be a hottie stripping on a pole one day, i just knew it.  Whether it be for her own pleasure or for that of a wider audience watching a movie. Though she has had her bad days (below), I have steadily become a fan of her sexy.

I was shocked when I came across this vid, courtesy of @heffabella. Looks like she has a bit too much talent working the pole, might suggest a secret hobby of hers. I have yet to go to a strip club, but imagine going to one and seeing her on stage. lmao. All i know is I spotted her all the way back in 1996 and then her performance in that Chuck n Larry movie solidified my expectations of one day seeing her on a pole.

I found this hilarious. Pitbull spots a dude makin' it rain in the crowd, so he brings him up on stage to get the crowd hyped.. BUT the individual proceeds to throw money directly in Pitbull's face... big mistake.

Pitbull continues rapping while he punches him in the face, knocks him out, and kicks him. LMAO. All the while he doesn't miss a single beat to his song Bojangles.

The video below shows what happened. You get a great angle when it replays at 0:25, the video caught by someone closer to the stage. I can't keep from laughing every time I watch this.

Now that I've got everyone to get this blog started, its time for my formal introduction. Oh yeah, first thing is a special shout out to RobbyRav for pointing out to Opus Dei that he needed to go to blogger.com to start his post. lol! Small but important advice.

I'm Michael, better known as jusfocuz on the interwebs for quite a while now. It all started with Twitter, which showed me the potential in putting together the right variables to yield an entertaining blog, and if you don't end up liking it, who cares. We sure dont.

To summarize how I view my fellow bloggers, we have KJ, boy genius, whom will forever look like Fabolous to me, Kwame whom I'm not sure how tall he is but I get the feeling he could run real fast, and Rob whom for some reason I always picture being crippled? I dont know.

I'll be posting from my iPhone, meaning that you'll catch my random thoughts as they arrive and get to see a little bit of what I go through. I tend to meet a lot of ... interesting individuals, mainly females.. oh boy. You'll get plenty of sarcasm, randomness, humor, and watever else i feel is necessary to express myself. Oh and I think about 70% of humans on this Earth are borderline retarded, and this is from experience in retail and being a very social dude.

Quick random facts:

• I'm a computer engineer major
  
• I'm surrounded by super nerds at school every second I'm there
  
• No longer have Soul Glo in my hair, cut it all off
  
• Got some tattoos, even tho i never thought id get any
  
• Many ppl think im middle eastern, but im not
  
• I tend to think im the shyt.. f what u think

KJ, dont make me have to go into your post again and edit it cuz of excessive "enter" key strokes. Your post was looking all lopsided and shyt. Rob and Kwame, I'm glad we got together to start this blog, and every1 reading, get ready for some ridiculous stories.

And in case you guys forgot, i think its necessary to reemphasize:

KG in uniform

KG out of uniform

I should be finishing up errands which include my summer internship search/financial aid/ getting my life in order...but instead I'm gonna make my inaugural post on ViewRoof (the amazing group blog idea, mike-o came up with)...

I know everyone else kept their first posts really short and to the point, but I'm going to have to buck the trend here a little because quite simply, that's not how my mind works. By nature I'm a long winded person (ask anyone who's lived in any of my dorms and I've tricked into a 2 hour conversation in the hall or lounge. Most often these conversations are about nothing (or EVERYTHING, depends on what kind of person you are)). But this nature has its pluses/minuses for example it has caused me to both:

1. Never have a problem with meeting page minimums for papers, but at the same time causes me to pull a ridiculous amount of all nighters throughout the year
2. Have a really hard time fitting my thoughts into 140 characters or less...after all some people are great at it ('sup @incanto!) and others suck (looks into mirror)
   

More generally this is the first time I've had the opportunity to formally introduce myself on the interwebs. My name is Kevin Jason, too many people call me Jason by accident (like the first name, not like an army recruit), some call me "Kevin Jason" fully like Jason is my middle name or something, so to make things easy you can call me KJ, but I also answer to Kev, Kevster, and Mr. Jason (if that's your thing).

I've found that my true (subtly awesome) personality is best displayed when I communicate through written words and its no surprise that people finally started figuring me out after I got a Sidekick and I was on AIM 24/7 (a shameful confession I know). Speaking of writing styles, I'm a big fan of parenthetical side notes (kind of similar to Paul Shirley, but happier and actually talented) and also ellipses (you're not alone Kwame).

This blog is a great idea because I realized that the four of us all have a bunch of crazy stories and philosophies on life. Also we are interesting in that we have that weird combination of humor, smarts, wit, and an attitude of "I don't care what you think, I know im ill". I don't know what this blog is going to cover, but I guarantee it will be a nice mix. I like to think im really diverse with my interests and I can tell you that the 6 things I talk about most in life are basketball, music, technology, economics/politics, girls and random pop culture. Interestingly Kwame, Rob, and Mike are respective masters in each of the first 3 topics (with each also dabbling in the other areas) and they can blow me out the water in that stuff...So that leaves economics/politics, girls, and random pop culture. I like to view the political stuff through an unorthodox lens so I won't be recapping CNN. But regardless I won't be talking about that stuff too often. A nice girl story will be discussed here and there, but I mostly shine on random stuff. If you haven't realized it from this post, my life is one random thought following another (often encased in parentheses) so I plan on thriving in my randomness...

See y'all later

P.S. if you understood that Paul Shirley reference, you read too much ESPN.com like me. If that's the case congrats, but you need to get a life...

Im about to get real "bloggy" up in this piece! I encountered a total idiot today like i mean a ASSS HOLLLEE (c) Fockers type idiot today and it got me thinking about this story i read awhile back in the newpaper surfings ...So Ladies grab a seat on Young Opus's lap and fellas' grab a drink and pull up a seat its story time.

You ever had a really good thought in your head that when it was there it made perfect sense but when you decided to put this "good thought" into action it justtt didnt turn out the way ya wanted? Yea i mean its happen to the best of us ... like Brooke Hogan actually tryna have a singing career.... But this one story honestly takes the cake!

Feeling extra adventurous this couple decided to literally turn up the notch on the sex life. I guess sometimes a change in sex positions , addition of a new toy or some KY doesnt bring the magic. Not to worry this Jerkoff decides that is GF is gonna get the treat of her life.

He gets a dildo and attaches it onto the saber blade of his power tool. Presumably smiling at his brillance for having just created a hell of a sex toy for his GF. Now i dont know if youve watched any "nudies" on HBO or CineMax before if you havent imma tell you right now shame on you its basically the initiation into a young kids cable life. I say this becuz we've all seen the sex toys that move hella fast on some jack rabbit tip yes? ok cool!

So i can imagine the guy beginning is foreplay as usual before stopping and sayin "wait baby" reaching under the bed to reveal his Dewalt Sexodized . Prolly , and hopefully after some amount of coaxing she decides " Wat the Hell ...When in Rome..." all went as pleasurable until!

The obvious took place... A Blade of a Power Tool only covered by Rubber and being used with force and pressure cut through this already soft rubber. Thus Lacerating her insides , destroying any hope of making it past foreplay, or let alone any base after that and having to call 911 and explain his sexual tryst.

The moral of the story: Do i even have to tell you? Exactly ahh till next time Kiddos

Yesssirrr ... @Opus Dei24 aka

in the house ( WOOT WOOT!) but round these parts imma droppin the 24. So its Opus Dei or other times Opus. Hopefully you guys have all thrown out the garbage bags full of Coronas and Heinekens and picked the Grilled Corn out your front row...if not plz discontinue reading.

Otherwise Welcome to the World of Randomness , Where Hilarity ensues..

These other guys represent genius, sarcasm , and all that other fore founding fathers shit. Im simply random as hell with no regard so get used to it.

Oh! Oh! besides that I take Public Transportation like its no ones business so you already know if I start telling you about the time ...aah forget it i'll save that for the Next post

so ok Kiddos the Moral of todays Post... 1) Kwa aka Lil Hercules bka @OpusDei24 has an obession with ellipses (......) 2) Random is the the way of life and 3) Kobe for thrreeeeeeeee

Opus" You better read my well unorganized,random ass, nonsensical post or else"Dei24

I'm Rob aka Robby Rav (short for Ravishing Rob...) i'm 1/4th of this...collective if you may of HS friends. We all attended St John's Prep (unfortunately) and Mike or as he's known on the interwb JusFocuz holla'd at us on Twitter about poppin off a blog.

This is my second blog...but my first "group" blog. I'll be here postin shit!...HATIN ON SHIT!...and insulting people for little to no reason.

Lets do a rundown of these ...Every1Cool(HA HA COOL MY ASS) people

KJ aka Only1KJ...he's a 14 yr old child prodigy...son is a senior in college yet fresh off puberty...AMAZING. Also resembles Fabolous.

Kwame aka Opusdei24...he used to be a midget in HS with Incredible Hulk strength...he can now see over the computer desk so now he gets jiggy on twitter...shoutout to him...

Mike aka Jus Focuz...in HS he had the Soul Glo kit in his hair...I had to let y'all know....

more posts coming in the future....holla on twitter...alll of our names have been posted..have a nice night and don't catch the bubble guts from bad BBQ...

So mr. boss was having an affair with his secretary right; and yesterday he was getting head in his car when they were struck by a van. According to the China Press, the van hit them from behind with enough force, that the woman bit his penis off!! I guess this is one incident where the dude should be happy the chick doesn't swallow.

The woman gets up screaming, with a mouth full of blood, while the ambulance and police arrive. The reliable secretary goes with her boss to the hospital, holding pieces of his penis in her hand...wtf. Well, to add insult to injury, this whole incident was being observed by a private investigator hired by the boss' wife to catch him cheating. I would take a voluntary kick in the nuts over this any day. DAMN.. seriously, fuck his life right now.

It is not only our goal, but our mission, to provide entertainment material for all our viewers. To do this, we will join together the genius, humor, and sarcasm of @RobbyRav, @OpusDei24, @Only1KJ, and @jusfocuz. Beginning solely as an experiment, this blog just may become your one stop for humor and maybe even some news.

If you have any feedback, tips, or recommendations for topics, we welcome you to contact us via  support@viewroof.com or our individual Twitter pages.

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Feel free to contact us with any questions through the comment boxes or email at support@viewroof.com. Peace!